9NickR's+Tale+of+Utopia

Title goes here

MIDDLE _ BEGINNING _ END Work Sheet


 * Describe the start of your story. || * Introduce your characters:Captain Phill, Duke, Fred,
 * What do they want? To get off the island they are stranded on


 * Where are they going? Anywhere but where they are. ||
 * What happens in the middle of your story? || * How will all your story and characters develop? I will explain the situation a bit at a time and let the characters' actions shape themselves.


 * Plot Twists and Turns? I think so.


 * How will you lead up to the climax? The government starts getting greedy. ||
 * Outline the climax...How does the story end? || * Is your ending what your readers are expecting? Probably not.


 * Have you used foreshadowing throughout your story? I will try. ||

Rough Draft

Mini-saga The small group of shadowy figures darted through the forest, feeling horribly exposed despite the cover of trees. They had no idea if they were being followed or had lost a member. As they broke through the woods, they came upon their goal, a small boat. It was their escape.

The small boat once again was thrown into the waves, threatening to break apart completely. The small boat pitched back and forth, with wave after wave crashing onto the deck like the certain death that seemed to engulf the crew. I knew we should have thought this through a little better. Seriously, we knew that we would be going during the stormiest time of the year, on the most menacing route a sailor could take. We weren't even a group of experienced sailors, just a bunch of desperate slaves who managed to steal a ship. We could have at least figured out where we were going, and by that I don’t mean "anywhere but here" as the captain Phil put it. Stuck up little brat.

"Duke!," he roared at me, "Tie down what’s left of the food supply, before it goes over the edge!" He continued to bark orders to the rest of the crew. I scrambled to where we had the food supply, and fumbled with the ropes to tie it down. No use, a humongous wave had arisen. As it came crashing down into the sea, it took the boat with it. We dragged ourselves onto the wet sand of the shore, both mentally and physically exhausted. We lay there in the sun, too weak to move. Though the sky was far too obscured by the rain to see it, we had actually been not far away from a little island. I scanned the desolate looking terrain. There seemed to be a bit of wildlife here. Just enough game for us to survive. I then looked back at the expansive sea we had just escaped. Nothing. Not one speck of land on the horizon. "I think we are going to be here for a while" I murmured to myself. We settled down that night in quickly built lean-to’s. Hungry, but too tired to care, we expected to fall asleep instantly. We did. The next morning, we had a meeting on the beach as to what we would do now. It felt a bit odd having a meeting since we were not permitted to do so when we were slaves back in California. We decided that the first thing we needed was a government. Captain Phil volunteered to take charge and became the leader of the group, along with some of his most favored crewmen to share the authority. He announce that we would be a democracy. We were all very enthusiastic about that. After all, when we were slaves, we had never had any say in our government. The first few weeks of our time on the island, we were very successful. We flourished with the resources we had, much better than any of us had ever expected. Eventually, an economy began. Nobody did more work than was needed and everyone was given the same amount of food. We were all treated much better than we had been before. We were not slaves anymore, we had a sense of what equality was. The days drew on and everyone seemed to do their work fairly. But something seemed different than it had been in the beginning. Yet nobody could quite put their finger on it. Then, I realized what it was. Captain Phil and his lot weren’t doing any work. I wondered what it was all about. They hadn’t really had much work in the first place being the leaders and the brain workers of the group. When I asked them what it was all about, they told me that ",We need that extra rest in our muscles. We do something far more important than physical work. We plan out how we eventually sail away from this island. We organize what work need doing on what doing on what day. Without us and our brainpower, this whole community would collapse. If we did not have the rest we needed to fulfill our duties, we would be slaves again. Yes, the white-men would come back!" That one gave me a little jolt. Seemed pretty convincing to me. I told my companion, Fred, what the captain had said, but he still didn’t seem very convinced.Seeing as everyone else had complied, I suppose he was just being stubborn. We had a meeting about a week later that sparked something in my brain that hadn’t really occurred to me before. Captain Phill announced to us that an extra twenty- percent of the food obtained from now on would go to them. There was silence for a brief moment, dead silence. Then, before I knew it. The whole congregation was in an uproar. I could pick up the bits and pieces of what the individual people were saying, but on the most part it just sounded flat-out furious. "That’s not fair!" " Your just being greedy now!" "What gives you the right to steal what’s ours?" "We work hard for all that you little-," uh ... yea, maybe I shouldn’t go into what that guy said after that. I guess he's picked up on the whitemens language. The revolt continued for what seemed like forever. The head of our government, however, seemed incredibly relaxed. Finally he stood up from his chair and bellowed one word. "SILENCE!," barked the captain. I realized what he was about to say. Everyone else apparently hadn’t. They kept their jaws clenched as if holding back another hostile retort. The captain spoke again ", We need the all the extra food we can get in order to sustain our brainpower". Work went on and returned to normal within a day. Our attitudes had gone back to wanting to sustain who ever was beside us. If our government needed extra food to stay clever, why not give it to them? Everyone else was thinking the same thing. Everyone except Fred, he seemed to be a bit rebellious. "They don't need extra food to think," He had told me, "they've been having twice as much food as they did since we escaped slavery. They're trying to take over!"Fred’s reasoning got me thinking. This government wasn’t what I thought it would be at first. We had all expected a community of complete equality where nobody had less than others. The Captain continued to claim extra privileges for himself. Though we had decided at first to be a democracy, our leader seemed to be taking over. It seemed we had to work harder and harder everyday, and getting less and less for it. Still, most of us were fine with the government having more than anyone else. And though I believed that they had good intentions, I did think that it was a little unfair. Was the captain and his council taking over completely? Where they becoming more like the slave owners? I didn't think so, but there was a lot of evidence that said that they were. Anyone I talked to this about would simply deny anything wrong with the government without giving any real reason. Anyone except... "They're trying to make us into slaves again!" Fred blurted out for the fourth time after I had explained my thoughts to him. Fred had gotten pretty excited that someone was finally having the same thoughts as he was. " I'm telling you" he protested "Captain Phil has been planning to become dictator from the very start!" "He said we'd b a -" "He didn't mean it. If he had any inteneion of keeping this place a democracy, he would have listened to what we told him when he claimed that extra food. Wy hav no say at all in how our lives are run.." "But he gave a pretty good reason for -" "The reason he gave didn't mean anything. He said he was taking it to stay intelligent and eventually get us out of here. He's being intteligent all right. Intelligent enough to turn us int slaves again." (I junped and almost fell on my butt as Fred half-screamed the word again). "While Phil and his buddies get rich."

"It can't be as bad as it was when we -"

"Not yet",, Fred reasoned,, "Their easing us back into slavery a bit at a time so we won't realize what's happening.

Final Draft

The Power of Unity

By Nick Rowe

Mini-saga The small group of shadowy figures darted through the forest, feeling horribly exposed despite the cover of trees. They had no idea if they were being followed or had lost a member. As they broke through the woods, they came upon their goal, a small dingy. It was their escape.

The dingy was once again thrown into the waves, threatening to break apart completely. The small boat pitched back and forth, with wave after wave crashing onto the deck like the certain death that seemed to engulf the crew. I knew we should have thought this through a little better. Seriously, we knew that we would be going during the stormiest time of the year, on the most menacing route a sailor could take. We weren't even a group of experienced sailors, just a bunch of desperate slaves who managed to steal a boat. We could have at least figured out where we were going, and by that I don’t mean "anywhere but here" as the Captain Phil put it. (Seeming to be the cleverest of the slaves in the group, Phil appointed himself as captain.) Stuck up little brat. "Duke!," he roared at me, "Tie down what’s left of the food supply, before it goes over the edge!" He continued to bark orders to the rest of the crew. I scrambled to where we had the food supply, and fumbled with the ropes to tie it down. No use, a humongous wave had arisen. As it came crashing down into the sea, it took the boat with it. Though the sky was far too obscured by the rain to see it, we had actually been not far away from a little island. We dragged ourselves onto the wet sand of the shore, both mentally and physically exhausted. We lay there in the sun, too weak to move. I scanned the desolate looking terrain. There seemed to be a bit of wildlife here. Perhaps just enough game for us to survive. I then looked back at the expansive sea we had just escaped. Nothing. Not one speck of land on the horizon. "I think we are going to be here for a while" I murmured to myself. We settled down that night in quickly built lean-to’s. Hungry, but too tired to care, we expected to fall asleep instantly. We did. The next morning, we had a meeting on the beach as to what we would do now. It felt a bit odd having a meeting since we were not permitted to do so when we were slaves back in Louisiana. We decided that the first thing we needed was a government. Captain Phil volunteered to take charge and became the leader of the group, along with some of his most favored crewmen to share the authority. He announce that we would be a democracy. That idea made us all very enthusiastic. After all, when we were slaves, we had never had any say in our daily lives. The first few weeks of our time on the island, we were very successful. We flourished with the resources we had, much better than any of us had ever expected. Eventually, an economy began. Nobody did more work than was fair, and everyone was given the same amount of food. We were all treated much better than we had been before. We were not slaves anymore, we had a sense of what equality was. The days drew on and everyone seemed to do their work fairly. But something seemed different than it had been in the beginning. Yet nobody could quite put their finger on it. Then, I realized what it was. Captain Phil and his lot weren’t doing any work. I wondered what it was all about. They hadn’t really had much physical work in the first place, being the leaders and the brain workers of the group. When I asked them what it was all about, they told me that they needed extra rest in their muscles. "We do something far more important than physical work", Phil explained, "We plan out how we will eventually sail away from this island. We organize what work needs doing on what day. Without us and our brainpower, this whole community would collapse. If we did not have the rest we needed to fulfill our duties, we would be slaves again. Yes, the white-men would come back!" That one gave me a little jolt. Seemed pretty convincing to me. If there was one thing I knew for certain, it was that I did not want the white man to come back. I told Fred, my companion, what the captain had said, but he still didn’t seem very convinced. Seeing as everyone else had complied, I suppose he was just being stubborn. We had a meeting about a week later that sparked something in my brain that hadn’t really occurred to me before. Captain Phil announced to us that an extra twenty- percent of the food obtained from now on would go to him and his council. There was silence for a brief moment, dead silence. Then, before I knew it, the whole congregation was in an uproar. I could pick up the bits and pieces of what the individual people were saying, but on the most part, it just sounded flat-out furious. "That’s not fair!" "Your just being greedy now!" "What gives you the right to steal what’s ours?" "We work hard for what we have, you little-," uh ... yea, maybe I shouldn’t go into what that guy said after that. I guess he's picked up on the white-mans language. The revolt continued for what seemed like forever. The head of our government, however, seemed incredibly relaxed. Finally he stood up from his chair and bellowed one word. "SILENCE!," I realized what he was about to say. Everyone else apparently hadn’t. They kept their jaws clenched as if holding back another hostile retort. The captain spoke again " We need the all the extra food we can get in order to sustain our mental capacity." Work went on and everything returned to normal within a day. If our government needed extra food to stay clever, why not give it to them? Everyone else was thinking the same thing. Everyone except Fred, he seemed to be a bit rebellious. "They don't need extra food to think," he told me, "they've been having twice as much food as they ever did in slavery. They're trying to take over!" Fred’s reasoning got me thinking. This government wasn’t what I thought it would be at first. We had all expected a community of complete equality where nobody had less than others. The Captain continued to claim extra privileges for himself. Though we had decided at first to be a democracy, our leader seemed to be taking over. It seemed we had to work harder and harder every day, and got less and less for it. Still, most of us were fine with the government having more than anyone else. And though I believed that they had good intentions, I did think that it was a little unfair. Was the captain and his council taking over completely? Where they becoming more like the slave owners? I didn't think so, but there was a lot of evidence that said that they were. Anyone I talked to would simply deny anything wrong with the government, without giving any real reason. Anyone except....I ran to find Fred. "They're trying to make us into slaves again!" Fred blurted out for the fourth time after I had explained my thoughts to him. Fred had gotten pretty excited that someone was finally having the same thoughts as he was. I'm telling you" he protested "Captain Phil has been planning to become our dictator from the very start!" I replied, "He said we'd be a -" "He didn't mean it! If he had any intention of keeping this place a democracy, he would have listened to what we told him when he claimed that extra food. We have no say at all in how our lives are run." I made another attempt, "But he gave a pretty good reason for -" "The reason he gave didn't mean anything. He said he was taking the food to stay sharp-minded and eventually get us out of here. He's being sharp all right. Smart enough to turn us into slaves again!" (I jumped and almost fell on my butt as Fred half-screamed the word "AGAIN"). "While Phil and his buddies get rich." Once again I started to reason, "It can't be as bad as it was when we -" "Not yet", Fred explained, "Their easing us back into slavery a bit at a time so we won't realize what's happening. How much do you even remember about our life before we escaped? Mark my words, Phil and his crew of miscreants will be coming out with whips before you know it." That one hit me pretty hard. Suddenly my brain felt incredibly jumbled up like a business man’s work desk. This was too much for me, I lumbered off to bed. The next morning I awoke to a quick, loud CRACK! I could tell that the early work shift had begun due to the sound of tools hammering away. But what was the "crack"? It sounded again, "CRACK!" and I realized what it was. It was the sound I hoped I would never hear again. But there it was. It was the unmistakable sound of a whip. As we worked that morning, I asked Fred what Phil’s excuse was this time. "The Captain said it would help us focus better," he said.

That was it. I’d had it. I came up behind one of the council members who was wacking away at one of the workers with a whip, yanked his weapon out of his hands, and gave a well placed blow between his eyes. That was something I just had to get out of the way. I cracked his whip with all my might to get the groups attention. A hush fell over the crowd as their faces turned toward me. There had been resistance among us before, but nobody had openly challenged a council member. Taking a deep breath, I stared over the crowd and spoke. "Don’t you realize what is happening? We are slaves again. This is partly our fault. Failing to question authority caused our government to go out of control. We have been punished for our mistake and now it is time to fix it. We have no rights, no say in government, and..." I paused, "no freedom". The crowd had been standing silent until my last word. Understanding dawned. "It’s time to get rid of the tyranny," I shouted. "How?" inquired someone in the crowd. After a moments thought I responded, "Without violence. Phil, not Captain Phil, is no better than any of us. All we have to do is believe it, and convince the rest of the island it is true." "We do believe it!" Shouted the crowd. But then an individual questioned, "But how can we persuade everyone else?" I encouraged, "We are smart and capable men, we can pull it off." I then walked away from the gathering, a bit surprised at my on impulsiveness, trying to keep my appearance confident. But under my breath I mumbled to myself, "I really should have made a plan before I plunged over this cliff."

The End

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